My Future

Generally, the first few questions out of anyone's mouth when I meet them here in Spain are these:
Hi, what's your name?
Where are you from?
What are you doing here?/What do you do?

The name and where I am from are usually short answers, unless someone is interested in which state, which city, what the city is like, etc. There are quite a few au pairs and English teachers in the area, but I am just a student, trying to make friends and enjoy my time here in Spain. Whenever I speak to people, I find myself striving to present myself well. Perhaps it is the somewhat aggressive American side in me...putting my best foot forward and being opportunistic, but maybe it's, well, still American-esque I suppose, me being egotistical.

I know that most people do not come to Spain and study for 2 years. Most students stay a semester, or maybe a semester and do an internship elsewhere, fewer stay the full year. It's a daunting task to take off for a whole year. Most (let's generalize, American) students don't expect to learn a whole lot while they're abroad in a country where they don't speak the language. It's more of a semi-vacation where they will go meet people, party, and hopefully do as well as they need to in the classes they have to take. Obviously, not everyone views it like that, and probably students studying things which would be more difficult to study firsthand in the US, such as architecture, art, or the language, take advantage of their time abroad. Many students just see it as one more thing to put on their resume, or it is a requirement for their major.

I am here for the long haul though... well, I hope. I am here to learn the language, learn about business, learn about Spanish culture. I want to make friends and have useful skills and knowledge gained by knowing these people here. If I am lucky, I may even find a few business connections through friends or just the magic of this beautiful world.

Two years sounds likes an eternity to me some days, but I really hope it sounds like an eternity to the people whom I tell about my educational goals. I need their awe. We are in some messy times, and I need to see the gleam in someone's eye of desire for such an opportunity, or the shock that takes someone aback a little. It gives me hope that I am going to be alright in 2 years when I leave this place.

Everyone talks about the crappy state of things in Spain. The high unemployment and the difficulties people are facing. Similar things are going on in the United States. I have heard so many kids my age talk about parents losing jobs, or preparing for pay cuts and the things they are doing to help prepare themselves for the changes that may affect their families. As much as I could drone on about the ungrateful children of America who want their iPhones and their iPads too, there are plenty of good kids, who are aware of how the economy is affecting them. Not only are parents losing what they had though, but young people... people my age, are finding jobs harder and harder to come by.


How many years of experience do you want me to have to work where? Getting a job waiting tables is practically a joke if you haven't been doing it since you were 16. Hundreds of people are applying for one opening. Employees are actually doing their jobs since they might not be able to get another one if they're fired. The game has changed. Timing is crucial, and having connections is as well.

I am terrified about what I'm going to encounter once I return home from Spain. What if my degree proves to be as worthless as those of the kids still working at the grocery stores in the states? Where's my upward mobility there? Why would I really want to do that? Hell, you never know... maybe it really does lead to a successful career, where I don't just place people's food in plastic bags and stock shelves all day. I'm not sure I have the motivation nor patience to actively pursue higher levels of employment from such a lifeless job. Those intermediary steps before I got there would most likely destroy any ambition I once had.

Who knows? In a world with fewer options, you really just have to make the best of things. I believe I will be capable of sustaining a decent life and be a useful employee to whoever hires me, but I would love to be ecstatic about my job. I want to come to work and do cool stuff. I want a job where I can talk about what I'm working on with family members and friends and be excited. Maybe I'll bore them to death with my stories, but it'd be better than whining about my pathetic life or only having humdrum stories about interactions with customers and co-workers.

Put me to the test, boss! I can do it.

I'm young... maybe this isn't how I should view it.

The best hope is that this fear really drives me to make it in life.

One of the great things about my time in Spain so far is all the entrepreneurs whom I have met. Language schools, architecture company, messenger service, solar energy... people are investing and creating these businesses. It's awesome, and a bit inspiring. Some of them are well established, others are just starting up, ones which I have only heard of due to knowing these wonderful people. No matter what stage, there is so much to learn by chatting with these folks: their fears, the problems they run into, seeing the hours they work, how rewarding it seems to be.

Even though one of my self-employed friends has told me that there are not that many Spanish entrepreneurs, I have found the Spanish school system to be much more conducive to learning how to create a business. Maybe it's just my university back home which leaves learning how to create a business for those specializing in entrepreneurship, but now that I'm learning, I wish they did teach us more in at my home uni. I honestly didn't realize what goes into creating a business. They teach us here about the different kinds of businesses, the legalities behind if you chose option A, B, or C. How much money is required to start a business, how to choose a name and register it here in Spain... I have learned about the kinds of presentations people give to try and get investors. There has been so much more knowledge instilled in me over the course of this semester by both the university and my friends which I hope will prove to be extremely beneficial.

I won't ramble on too much more, but I do hope that at some point I at least come up with a few ideas of what kind of business I would like to create if I ever do. Maybe since I have such great doubts in the world around me and my prospects for a future in the world as it is, means that I need to do some building on my own and create a new avenue for myself.

We'll see where life takes me.

One Second After

Nearly a year ago I borrowed a book from a friend called One Second After by William R. Forstchen. She had read it the year before I borrowed it, and we often had discussions spurred from what she was reading. I was able to participate more so than some other people who had not read the book, as it is based in Black Mountain, NC. I am familiar with the area surrounding Asheville, NC so it was really interesting to hear about such familiar things from a girl who had never been there.

I borrowed the book a long time ago, but it sat on my shelf. It was never the right time to read it, and I don't read as often as I should. Finally though, I was very homesick over the holidays and well, since it was the holidays I had quite a bit of free time. I cracked open the book and was hardly able to put it down. The descriptions of a town which had the same mountainous background, same small town attitude, same lots of things as my own home in the States made me fall in love. I will admit right now that I am biased in my opinion of the book most likely. It took me back to a place which I wish to be at so badly right now. It was a different world which the characters in the book lived in though. When all the electronics are destroyed by an EMP, everyone is fighting for survival.

The book pointed out certain aspects which certain "post-apocalyptic" (if I can call it that) movies seem to leave out. Perhaps the book are more thorough in stories like The Road or ... ok, I really can't name any other books. I guess Zombie films? The book talks about long-term survival. The waves of death. Hunger, infections, diseases, the issues brought on by intruders, suicides, mental illness after the drugs run out. I felt that Forstchen really brought up very real issues which are so often overlooked.

In the typical Zombie film, the number of people seems to inaccurately reflect the population of a city or country. Usually this is avoided by focusing on a smaller group of people, like the people trapped inside of the building in REC or those in the mall in Dawn of the Dead. In I Am Legend, Will Smith is basically alone except for the zombie-vampireish things... Where do all the dead go? Magically sinking into the ground? It is a few lucky people against monsters which whom they have no qualms blasting apart with grenades, shotguns, or dismembering with chainsaws. The biggest issue is not being exposed by being bit. The second biggest issue usually seems to be ammo.

No one in the movies is trying to pull together a community to survive as though they were set back hundreds of years. It always seems to turn into survival of... well, whoever the writers decide. It was interesting being able to realistically look at how I would have to act, what I would have to do to actually survive a real threat. I'm not saying that zombies can't happen. I am scared shitless by the idea of zombies, but the "zombie plans" that so many have, and the representations given out by movies are not all that helpful. One Second After makes me afraid of what America has become dependent on and of what other humans can become when pushed to desperation, especially without a good leader.

We entirely take electricity, running water, everything that we have, for granted...

So many thoughts brought on by the book. I nearly cried a couple of times.

Anyway, very much enjoyed One Second After, and thought that I would share.

Life continues to be lovely on this side of the ocean, but my heart goes out to everyone back home. I miss everyone so much, and I hope that everyone stays happy... and that no one blows up an EMP over y'all. I've felt a bit under the weather, but I think I'll survive. It sucks not having someone around to take care of me, but I will nurse myself back to 100% and keep on truckin.

Peace.

Listen. Talk.

It's a new year. 2012.

I've tried to keep blogs of my travels abroad, but really, I am just not very good at that. I want to write when I feel strongly about something, and I feel my day to day stories are just that. Day to day. Sometimes they will help express my feelings about how I view my time away from home, but they should be anecdotes to help explain how I got to a certain point which made me wish to write an entry.

I had a tumblr under this same name, pulpoambulante, but really, I am not a huge fan of tumblr. I didn't know. I tried it... well, that's over. Another dead blog.

I am trying to take things month by month right now, and right now I am giving up a few things, and trying to pick up a few things that I feel are needed in my life. A good friend of mine does 7 day challenges and other challenges in her life. They're impressive, and it was sort of the inspiration for me to challenge myself to do some good things in my life. A blog, if followed by friends and whatnot, is definitely a way to be held accountable. Another interesting girl who has entered in my life has helped me talk through a lot of my feelings and asked me the questions I need to be facing.

I am SO influenced in this world by others. Usually in my darker times, times when I miss home, miss a friend, have messed up something so that it seems irreparable, and am generally unhappy with the state of my life... the people who sit back and listen are those who really help me get a better sense of what the hell is going on. Not only is the listening part important though, but their penetrating insight. Whether given through allusions to famous philosophers, writers, or simply quoting advice which was given by their own friend, it is an impressive talent and an art being lost by the egotistical, self-centered ways of American society.

The loss of hand-written letters, the explosion of blogs (haha), the ability to comment on anything and everything on the internet has given people sharp tongues and an outlet to try and one up their anonymous peers. Very little thought is put into most responses, and it is more the struggle to answer quickly and to win whatever argument is taking place. People don't receive a letter like in the past, have time to read, reread, analyze, and ponder the ideas presented before them. Rather than mulling over a question or problem, taking in the advice or criticism given, and having to craft a hand-written response, with a few rapid taps on a keyboard or phone, a response is given.

Perhaps these people giving their opinion are trained in debate tactics and are merely honing their abilities to strike in an allotted amount of time and to

1. reveal errors or omissions in another person's facts
2. reveal errors or omissions in another person's logic

because those two ways, are (according to the internet!) two intellectually honest debate tactics... the same website has a slew of intellectually dishonest debate tactics. Forty dishonest ones. Here, I'll link you:

http://www.johntreed.com/debate.html

This same website also links you to more links where you can learn how to appropriately flame people on the internet. Awesome. 

Anyway, it seems most people just sit and passively listen while trying to come up with their own ideas, and then argue about whatever the heck they want until it's so incredibly asinine that people are talking in circles (obviously not listening), and the whole world starts to rotate in the other direction and we all die...

Something like that.

Close enough.

So, the ability to listen is dying. How to be a great conversationalist is dying. Hell, people go to classes these days to learn how to talk to others. How to ask questions, direct conversations, included the shier members of a group, or just when to shut up. 

So many people feel lonely these days. Maybe it's because we're so used to being happy when we're the center of attention. Reach out... you can learn so many things from so many people.

That story your friend told you about his 1960 Ford truck (totally made up) which he got up and running in a week... listen to it. Maybe you know nothing about trucks or even care, but maybe you should ask why he is so excited about that. It's his first time working on an engine? Maybe it's really hard to get the ignition timing right (maybe I should have found a better made up story) and he was able to do it with a trick or two his dad taught him. Ask questions if you don't understand, make comparisons, find out something new. Maybe in 3 weeks you'll be on vacation and meet the hottest dude ever who has an old Ford... did he get his truck up and running? Similar problems? 

You might just make a new friend or not be bored out of your skull. The knowledge you got from one friend can help you gain a new one, and maybe the info from your new friend can bring you closer to your old friend. 

It seems so ridiculous to be saying all of this on a blog... a nearly one-sided vent of my thoughts to you guys, but I hope that I do maintain this blog. I hope that I improve my writing. I hope that I find people who can stand to read it, and will maybe consider what I've put down and send me a link if you write something related. I'd love to read it.

Hah, more goals.... focus better.

I may as well give you one more link. These ideas about communication, or the lack there of, were somewhat spurred by The Art of Manliness blog. The Art Of Conversation How to Avoid Conversational Narcissism

They give some great advice on how to listen, redirect, etc. I am definitely going to try and work on some of these things. It's such a crucial change that I can't limit to one month, and I know that it will take longer than that to improve my conversational habits. 

ttfn.