Birthdays and Goodbyes

Back to blogging?

What a rough semester. It isn't over, despite what the rest of the world thinks. I have done poorly, and I need to retake a few exams. The disappointment I feel in myself is embarrassing, and I hope to turn it into motivation to study more. The summer seems to slip through my fingers as I turn each page of my accounting book. Students are returning home and with their departures comes an explosion of birthday parties and going away parties. Parties meant to ensnare people and make sure that everyone appreciates them as much as possible.

Ok, so they probably don't intend them that way, but I am tired of the feeling of being obligated to not only spend at least 2 awkward hours with every friend you could snag through facebook, but dress up, spend money doing whatever you want, and forcing conversation because you are too busy soaking in the glory of being the guest of honor to throw a good party. Were we really that good of friends to begin with? Do you actually want me here, or are you searching to have the most people possible? Sure, with the realization that the year is ending, people want to take in their environment and create an idyllic memory of a place which some have suddenly learned to appreciate. With a week off from school before going home, you can look around at the world. Didn't you go home every weekend you had off anyway? Didn't you spend your time pining for friends and family back home? What has magically changed your mind about this country? Maybe your time here wasn't as special as you wished it had been. Bummer, dude.

I have never been much of someone for birthdays. My past birthday, I went and taught English until midnight where I proceeded to start drinking. I went to class the next day, and then in the evening I drank champagne with the dinner I made myself and met up with my best friend to sit around and chat. Nothing special. No streamers, gifts, or people congratulating me on surviving another year a life. If people didn't want to go out with me, why should I think they would actually want to come on my birthday? Is there a magical reason which dictates a birthday means everyone should act abnormally on my behalf!? Of course not. I understand that most people grow up looking forward to their birthday and believe it to be a great reason to be the center of attention. Sweet. Cool. Fine. I will congratulate you on your achievement, and cheers with you to the end of the night. I will even try to do something creative that is within my budget, or maybe I will just offer up a bottle of something delicious if I don't know you as well. I will act appropriately. Please friends of mine, stop asking me to chip in for outrageous gifts. I know buying sex toys or entirely worthless gag-gifts seems really entertaining and funny, and will probably be the only thing we will be able to talk about during the night, as we have no idea who we are, but I hate it. I am the heartless bitch who doesn't appreciate every birthday ever had in the world. Sorry.

I do things because I want to. I want to show you how much I care and for it to reflect how well I know you. If we are best friends, you will get the most heartfelt gift from me which I can possibly find. I will go to the ends of the earth for you, and I will help you celebrate your special day if you think it's that important... to the best of my ability. I also would do those sort of things if it weren't your birthday. If I had all the money in the world, I would send my parents a great bottle of wine because I love them. I would send my sister something very fashion forward, or something so cool she could gloat about it to all her friends. I would send my best friend a necklace hand made on the beach by a shaman.

Things cost money though, and they don't need that to know that I love them. I feel socially pressured by a group of people who seem to pull me in at this emotional, exciting time. I guess it's just as bad that I want to have them as my friends so badly that I feel I need to buy anything. It's hard with a mix of cultures and sometimes an inability to communicate fully that I really do appreciate them and love them. I just do the best which I can despite the differences and based off of what would be acceptable where I am from.